fuck you facebook and other rage

i was banned on fb for 3 days for sharing apost against male genital mutilation.

pisses me off we can share a million posts of naked or nearly naked female bodies for whatever reasons but god damn it if we share posts about people skinning infants. its bullshit.

Sometimes i think about the wrong Him.

Sometimes i think about the Wrong Him. an no not the christian god or the band (although i am fond of the latter.)

Sometimes i think about a man that i cared for. I still care about him. I dont think that i should but, i found him to be important to me. I was going through alot of abuse and neglect, and there was someone who had been through similar and kinda understood, without talking about it. He understood how i felt without me having to explain that the creator of my life was making me want to end it. It was an oasis in a ocean of being so lost. Being in that house was such a great place to be. I wasnt old enough to drink, i shouldnt have had such easy access to any drugs, but there i was. In most peoples nightmares for their children, and i was happy. I was thrilled to be near people who cared what i was doing and where i was going. He who wouldn't let me walk through town alone in the snow at night. He fought with his GF to be sure i had a ride most times. I was taken care of and if anyone had done anything i wasn't okay with i had someone to turn to.

He wasnt a good person. i know that. he did shady shit, pinching product, overcharging. playing bullshit with his GF. being a cheating bastard. i know all of it. i knew it all then.

I could say i regret any of it. but i loved it. It was the first time i had ever been on the inside. I was in on the jokes, i was included. Even better i was preferred company compared to other people. I was truly liked.

This was the first time in my 15/16 years that i was included. School was always hard when it came to friends. I moved alot, and a hard time learning to be social with kids my age. I was more adept at talking to adults. So after moving here i was a complete failure at making friends.

i lived here for almost 2 years before i had a friend my age. then he quit being my friend cause i made another friend. but that friend wasnt a great friend so i still didnt have a solid friend. i went through alot of drama. i caused a little.Suddenly i was in a circle of people who knew who i was and mildly cared about what i was doing. people who would check in on me. it was a bit dangerous,but we all made it out pretty okay,

i mean we did better for each other then our parents.

I'm pro-choice and here is a post i found that explains why.

I was pro-life for many years, until I had to participate in a debate in AP government class in high school about abortion. I was placed randomly on a side and was left to research abortion. The facts speak for themselves. Abortions have existed for thousands of years, dating back to the Egyptians. They've basically always existed and will continue to exist because they are necessary. Circumstances and situations make them necessary, and the only way to lower abortion rates is to make them unnecessary, not by banning abortions.

Some situations, such as rape and medical issues are impossible to remedy, but other situations can be helped significantly. For example, 3/4 of the country is not providing students with medically accurate and informative sex education, but with abstinence-only religious testimony. Providing a comprehensive sex education would help defeat so many misconceptions about sex and contraception. Condoms are supposed to be 99% effective, but due to lack of sex education, the failure rate is close to 20%. The same goes for all birth control except for implants and the shot.

Providing free contraception, including condoms. Birth control is not free. Insurances are only required to provide one or two types of free birth control, but those types may not work for all women. My birth control runs me $30 a month WITH insurance and would be $92 without insurance. I have tried the free kinds as well as many others, and THIS is the one that does not give me nasty side effects. Women in rural areas who depend on clinics for birth control, contraception, health checks, and pregnancy resources are being shut down thanks to anti-choice extremists who believe the only way to end abortion is to cut off access to birth control and healthcare (notice my sarcasm and disapproval).

Furthermore, providing women with free reproductive healthcare and mandated maternity leave. Considering that 61% of women getting abortions are already mothers and 40% of all mothers in the US are single moms. Minimum wage jobs don't pay living wages to support a family, but more than that, women cannot afford to take unpaid time off and are legally fired and paid less for being pregnant. They cannot afford the visits or the time off from work without pay. They cannot afford to be paid less. They cannot afford to be fired.

These are all things that can be done to help young women and mothers, in addition to making secondary education free and/or cheaper, and providing resource-based aid to famillies instead of monetary-based aid, like providing them with night classes or trade schools and connections within their community where they can create a future for themselves and make a living wage.

Without trying to remedy these issues, the need and demand for abortion will not decrease and making a law that says it is illegal will not change the amount of women who need them. Yes, some will opt out of abortion, but those women will also birth children into poverty or into our severely flawed and abusive foster system, where over 400,000 children are sitting as I type, waiting for a forever family.

But most women, MOST women will simply go elsewhere for an abortion or rely on taking unprescribed drugs from the black market to abort, which will effectively kill their fetus as well as risk their own lives. Pre-Roe v. Wade, over 1,000 women died yearly in the United States. Now? Only 6 women die yearly on average. That is a tremendous difference.

Women are mothers and teachers. Women are primarily functioning in their communties by way of serving and taking care of others. They are much of the glue of society. Forcing women to risk their lives to continue to be able to provide those services to their kids and their communities is absolutely ridiculous and absurd.

91.5% of abortions are performed by 8 weeks gestation, the end of the first trimester, which means the the overwhelming majority of women getting abortions are acting quickly and responsibly. I absolutely refuse to value a non-sentient, unconscious mass of tissue that is smaller than the palm of my hand over a woman, a mother, a daughter, a best friend.

1 in 3 women get abortions, and when I publicly announced being pro-choice and began advocating for reproductive rights, so many of my friends and even my family came to me to thank me, because they had needed abortions in their lives at some point. It only further resonated with me that being pro-choice was the only right side to be on. Because you never know who needs an abortion and who you will be forcing to risk their lives.

Being pro-choice doesn't have to mean that you promote or even agree with abortion. It literally means that you recognize how necessary abortions are and that they need to be safe and accessible. That's literally all there is to being pro-choice. We all want abortions to be rare, but the answer to that is addressing the social, political, and economical problems that necessitate abortion, not making it illegal.

 If you think women get abortions because they want to, or because they're "not feeling it," you have no idea what you even speak of. Abortion is a difficult and painful procedure, emotionally and physically. Abortions cost women on average between $200-$1,200. Most women have to travel hundreds and hundreds of miles to the nearest clinic to have one performed. Abortion is financially almost impossible. It is not something women decide to do because they "aren't feeling it." I know so many women in my life who have gotten abortions, ranging from young to old, and their testimonials are so heartbreaking, but at the same time, these women would not be where they are today without having that choice. Some were raped, some were raped by family, some were too young, some were in college, some were forced by their parents, some already had kids, some were in a domestic violence situation.

You have no right to make decisions for someone, the consequences of which you will never experience or deal with. Women have lives and they matter more than a 14 week old fetus. That is the bottom line.

Suicide is sad.

I have seen two friends lie cold and gone in a funeral home. I have has the awful feelings of hope and despair that seeing a body, lie unmoving, unbreathing gives you. that at any moment if you stare hard enough they would breathe.




'Cept they wont, they wont miracle back to life. no matter how hard you stare.




It was strange. It was sad. i had met their parents when they were alive. and i tried not to be outwardly any sadder then they were. i may have lost a friend. but they lost a child. and that to me is someting i hope to never feel.




I didnt know any of the parents that well. but when a person dies you feel like you should know them better.




Suicide multipies that, it makes you believe you should have know, you could have saved them.




but you couldnt have.




we all are gonna die. and sometimes being the one who says when is man way of taking control.







death is permanent. life is short.




suicide is sad.




<3

inform others, even if they are old.

I am interested in the situation where when some on has to deal with anolder person who is being rude or dumb people just dont let it get to thembecause "they are old and will prolly die soon"


that maybe but i dont think its ever to late to tell people they are wrong orthat how the treat people is not acceptable.


if some says or does something that offends you let them know. Tell themright then and there.

dont pussy foot or "let it go" inform them of their actions that disrupted your life.

they will either fix it or learn that you dont take that sort of treatment.


and yes it is a big deal. if you dont like people smoking around you, tellpeople. if you dont like being touched, hit, poked, or cussed at inform thepeople your around. your life is in your control.


if people around you cant accept that you want your life to change then find new people. it may take time but its like panning for gold.


youll sift through all the mud and rock and the find those really useful and beautiful nuggets.


those nuggets of gold who will do anything for you.

Facebook, what it can be,

I like to think of Facebook as an empty house.

you set up your own little house in the facebook suburb, decorate it with what you like and push your house closer to people you know and like.

Where your house ends up depends a lot on whom you wanna live near.

if you wanna live near people who hate others for their skin color that is you will see from your front porch.

if you work hard to move away from things that are hurtful to others you will see more peace and love from your porch.

if you want to worship your god(s) then you may live closer to others that worship similiarly.

From my porch, I want to see everything. I want to see all the peoples worshipping their god(s) and/or their goddess(es). I want to see people from all walks of life. I want to know others lives and understand how they came to be.

It is because of this i am careful whom i choose to live near on facebook. I cant be too near those that hate people due to skin color, those of that color may think that i too hate them.

I treat my neighbors like a garden, cutting away the negative and hateful so that i can plant new seeds of friendship rooted in trust and love.

I fertilize this garden with knowledge and laughter.

and at the end of the day i try to sit back and enjoy the view.

to the thing that birthed me.

Alright well this be the end.

I dont need this.

Jeff is my Husband. 

Thank you for being their when he proposed (you werent)

Thank you for being at my graduation and paying for my final costs for highschool (you didnt)

Thank you for making me feel like i was doing my best (you didnt and still dont make me feel like a good mother)

Thank you for supporting me when i went to therapy.(you didnt, because thereis nothing wrong. only you are allowed to sick/hurt/sad/depressed)

Thank you for making me hate the word family, father, dad, daddy or anythingrelated to the subject.

Thank you for not believing me when i told you what happened to me

Thank you for letting me know how much better you are to me. 

Thank you for yanking me out of school the day i was suppose to play in a band for school. (bet you dont even know what instrument i almost learned to play)


im done. im so done i dont have the words to tell you how i feel. imout of feeling. im just left with the silver lining of at least you did this to me and not all those poor children you supposedly miscarried.


I dont love you. you broke my heart at 8 years of age, when you decided partying was more important then a good homelife. you broke my heart when i was ten by saying money and man were more important to me. you broke my heart every time you didnt talk to grandma about me. you broke my heart when i was 13 when you called me a slut and said i would open my legs to any man, after i was molested.


you took me to therapy because you friend said it would be good. instead you turned that into anna talks to my therapist for hours on end.


i cant love you. i close my heart so you couldnt hurt me in your drunken fits.


so that glass shard that stabbed my leg couldnt touch my heart. so your nails that left scars on my hand wouldn't leave similar scars on my heart.


you cant beat me or touch me in fits of drunken rage.


you cant even see me anymore. if you do i will call the police.


your abusive and manipulative and i feel aweful you still exsist.


that i didnt see it sooner and turn you in.


im so glad you never have had another child.


im glad you didnt have paul.


im glad i was born strong enough to live through and survive your insanity.


i dont know anyone i would wish my upbringing on.


this is the end.


good bye.


you shitty person.