Sometimes i think about the Wrong Him. an no not the christian god or the band (although i am fond of the latter.)
Sometimes i think about a man that i cared for. I still care about him. I dont think that i should but, i found him to be important to me. I was going through alot of abuse and neglect, and there was someone who had been through similar and kinda understood, without talking about it. He understood how i felt without me having to explain that the creator of my life was making me want to end it. It was an oasis in a ocean of being so lost. Being in that house was such a great place to be. I wasnt old enough to drink, i shouldnt have had such easy access to any drugs, but there i was. In most peoples nightmares for their children, and i was happy. I was thrilled to be near people who cared what i was doing and where i was going. He who wouldn't let me walk through town alone in the snow at night. He fought with his GF to be sure i had a ride most times. I was taken care of and if anyone had done anything i wasn't okay with i had someone to turn to.
He wasnt a good person. i know that. he did shady shit, pinching product, overcharging. playing bullshit with his GF. being a cheating bastard. i know all of it. i knew it all then.
I could say i regret any of it. but i loved it. It was the first time i had ever been on the inside. I was in on the jokes, i was included. Even better i was preferred company compared to other people. I was truly liked.
This was the first time in my 15/16 years that i was included. School was always hard when it came to friends. I moved alot, and a hard time learning to be social with kids my age. I was more adept at talking to adults. So after moving here i was a complete failure at making friends.
i lived here for almost 2 years before i had a friend my age. then he quit being my friend cause i made another friend. but that friend wasnt a great friend so i still didnt have a solid friend. i went through alot of drama. i caused a little.Suddenly i was in a circle of people who knew who i was and mildly cared about what i was doing. people who would check in on me. it was a bit dangerous,but we all made it out pretty okay,
i mean we did better for each other then our parents.
